Eros and Eyegazing

There's a new speed dating craze called Eyegazing where, instead of talking to a stranger for several minutes, you stare into his/her eyes without exchanging a single word. (Visit here for more information.) This sounded rather hokey to me until I came across this passage from Marc Gafni's The Mystery of Love:

When I lead prayers at our retreat center overlooking the Sea of Galilee in Israel, we often do a face-to-face prayer. In this prayer, people sit in twos and read Psalms to each other. They each are singing praises to the God point in the other. Before we start the chanting, I begin by asking each pair to look deeply into each other's faces. "Begin by being wordlessly present for each other. Experience the full presence of another waiting for you."

After the uncommon sessions of looking into another's face many people have come up to me in tears, in joy, in awe, each with a different story. But they all share a common theme. "First I felt uncomfortable. I kept shifting my gaze. Looking at her necklace, her earlobes, her hair, but it was so hard to look at her face. Finally, our eyes fell into sync. It was uncomfortable, but we kept at it. Eyes – brown, with freckles of color. A funny, imperfect face. And then suddenly, something gave. A rush of emotion. A moment of release into the other person's gaze." Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn't. But when it does, you never forget it.

Have you ever looked, really looked, into another person's face? Have you ever witnessed that moment when the soul comes rushing up from its inner chambers and opens wide the windows of the eyes to see you, seeing her? To greet you like the daylight? This is the mystery of love, of the eyes and their eros.


It does not surprise me. The eyes are the most honest and involuntary expression of your emotions. With the exception of sociopaths, you cannot hide the feelings that flicker in your eyes – they will always give you away.